Tea for Two
by Constance-Lirit
Summary: Gwen x Ulquiorra - This one-shot is rated M for minor sexual referencing. - Ulquiorra and Gwen do not get along, but they are quickly forced to cohabitate when she moves into his apartment due to the cheap rent. From there they eventually form a close bond when she agrees to help him overcome his inability to keep his girlfriends for longer than a week.


Most knew him as Ulquiorra Cifer, while the Goths knew him as the 'prince', a strange teen with long ebony hair, porcelain white skin and venomous green eyes. In his pure white school uniform he commanded a small group of misfits from underneath the drama studio stage. To Gwen Luru he was 'that creepy guy'. Gwen was one of the popular girls, who seemed to be friends with just about everyone and had nothing to really concern herself with but make-up, white horses and shopping. On more than one occasion she would get into an argument with Ulquiorra, which mostly began with one snide comment on his end and ended with a snide comment on her own.  
After school they would never have conceived the thought of seeing one another, however this all changed when Gwen ended up moving in to Ulquiorra's apartment. His mother had been trying to rent out one of the spare rooms and Gwen had decided to pay the cheap rent thinking it would be far easier to get to college from there after she finished high school, the apartment itself looked great and at first she had no idea why no one had wanted to move in, and now she did.

Joan's son was Ulquiorra Cifer, probably the least favourable son she was willing to live with. She had heard such good things about him as well; he was acing all of his classes, he spent his afternoons doing various activities, he had lots of friends and, in his mother's words, he was 'a very handsome boy'. Gwen had been hoping for someone like Aizen Sosuke; tall, handsome, smart, and outgoing. Not short, strange and out of touch.  
Sat across the kitchen table from the five foot six teen Gwen attempted to eat her usual healthy dinner, while Ulquiorra was happy with nothing more than a cup of tea. All the while Gwen was forcing herself not to say anything, the less she interacted with him the better, but it was beginning to drive her nuts. In the two weeks she had been living in the flat the Goth had not eaten anything in her presence, all he consumed was cups of tea.

Drumming her finger off the dinner table Gwen kept her eyes directed to the floor at the foot of the table, she would not look down the length of it due to his friends looming about on the other seats. That was another thing that bothered her, she could not have a nice quiet dinner, or a nice conversation, with these people. Of course, her mother had taught her she had to be a kind and patient host and just allow them to do as they liked, after all they were Ulquiorra's friends. The last thing she needed was for the 'prince' to be unhappy with her, as she was afraid his mother would kick her out if her precious little baby was upset. He was, in her own words, a 'delicate little flower'.  
Giving the wall a rather dry look Gwen stuck another carrot in her mouth and then got up to put her dishes away. At the sink said dishes weakly clattered together as she washed her plate and put it on the chrome draining board, a task Ulquiorra made sure she did every time she ate. Leaving the room without a word Gwen finally felt like she could breathe, though she was definitely sure she could breathe when she got her private bedroom and was free to do as she pleased.

By evening Gwen was on her laptop chatting to her friends, though when their conversations strayed the young woman decided to go get a drink. Traipsing out into the hallway the teen ignored the dim lighting as it scattered across her skin, shuffling into the kitchen Gwen then blindly groped forward until she found the cold and smooth handle of the fridge door. Pulling it open Gwen pulled a bottle of fizzy juice from the top self which was not distinctly labelled 'Ulquiorra's' or 'a curse to those who touch' .  
"Gwen." spoke a dull, slow voice. Nonetheless Gwen shrieked and turned on her heel, causing her arm to catch on the handle of the fridge and drag her down to the floor, luckily only shutting the door and not pulling the heavy machine down on top of her.  
"Careful." came another icy tone which ordered her dryly, one which rung clear as Ulquiorra's voice.  
"Who sits in the dark?!" Gwen snapped, holding the wrapped purple fabric around her chest in panic. "You gave me a heart attack!" she then scolded, reframing from the temptation of throwing her bottle of juice in the direction of Ulquiorra, or where she presumed he was sitting at least.

All at once a lamp came on, providing Gwen with enough light to see she was utterly, and life threateningly, surrounded by Goths. From there she could just about feel the blood drain from her torso and clot in her fingertips and toes, weighing her to the floor where she was sprawled out.  
"What are you doing?" one unfamiliar face asked, eyeing her up from her purple toed, pink books, past her puffy, knee-length pink sweat pants, up the purple wrap around her torso and to the end of her pink scarf, which was wrapped around the handle of the fridge. All in all Gwen was a rabbit caught in a hunter's trap.  
"Playing twister in the dark, what does it look like?" Gwen hissed with some forced courage, whilst her hand tugged at her scarf to drag it loose. "What are you doing?" she then asked, brushing herself off before relocating her missing bottle of juice which would no doubt explode upon being opened.  
"Nothing." Ulquiorra simply informed her, his emerald eyes boring into her very soul.

This, in particular, was why she did not like him; he was a creepy little man who was covered in spikes and sat in the dark sipping tea for pleasure. He probably ate babies.  
"Right. I'll let you get back to sacrificing that belated Christmas chicken with toothpicks and tomato sauce." Gwen replied, whisking herself out of the room after eyeing up the un-cooked poultry on the kitchen counter.  
"Who was that?" asked one of them finally, uncertain as to when they had ever seen someone in real life wear so much pink or purple before now.  
"My room mate, she's renting out the spare bedroom." Ulquiorra replied, stabbing another toothpick into the slimy skin of the plucked bird.

Having escaped the kitchen Gwen practically collapsed onto the living room floor, a look of pure horror coating her face as she tried to busy herself with finding the remote. Once she had found it she made quick work of finding something to watch, her head only turning slightly when she heard the sound of movement leaving the kitchen. She had hoped they would leave and Ulquiorra would go to bed, but instead he sent them away and then came to watch television with her.  
To be fair it was probably one of the far more pleasant moments they shared together; he would not speak, she would not speak, and they would just watch whatever it was she wanted to watch. At least, that was how it usually was. Tonight he seemed hell bent on making up for the last four days of comfortable silence.  
"Why do you watch this trash?" the Goth asked, watching the movie with an air of distaste.  
"Because, unlike you, I'm normal." she answered casually, her head tilting to the side to look at him. "You seriously need to go to a hair dresser, your hair is everywhere." Gwen mumbled, pulling gently at a few of his untamed ebony tresses.

Normally Ulquiorra would have flinched away, or batted the offender's hand away, but the Goth just sat there letting her tug at him, his liquid green eyes concentrating on her wrist and forearm until she moved her arm away.  
"At least you don't put any hair products in it." she uttered, running her fingers through the side of his hair. Normally Gwen would have been grossed out by any physical contact with Ulquiorra but after living with him this long she had become somewhat used to him, and had learned pretty quickly that he was an extremely clean person.  
If there was a single thing left out of place he would become tetchy, so Gwen had learned pretty quickly to put everything back if she touched it. That meant dishes, towels, laundry and even the throw pillows. It was a curious sight to see him allowing someone to touch him however, she had seen him practically throw his then-girlfriend across a room for touching him without permission.  
"So your friends went home?" she asked, gaining a feint nod from him. "How come your girlfriend's not been hanging about recently? She's normally here to criticise me." she went on to enquire, her eyebrow quirking a little.  
"She broke up with me." he bluntly replied, causing her to blink.  
"Again? You really go through them." she murmured, pouting a little.

Keeping his eyes on the television he did not seem all that bothered by the topic of conversation, but then he never seemed to have much interest in the people he was going out with in the first place. If he was dating someone it was usually because the girl came up to him and asked, and he just said 'yes' for the hell of it.  
"You know, if you made the girl get to know you before asking you out it would probably be a lot easier. They could realise you're strange before going to a public place with you." Gwen uttered, her eyes checking her nail varnish.  
"I give these girls a chance. It's not as though I know they're stupid or posers to begin with." Ulquiorra replied, whilst Gwen just tutted softly.  
"You just have to talk to them, find out about them, and then give them you're number." she stated firmly. "Then you text them, that way you get to know them even better before you go on a date." she added.  
"I do text them." he replied, glancing at her hand when she reached it out.  
"Let's see what you say to them, then." she stated, hitching her eyebrow expectantly.

At first Gwen had anticipated some kind of dirty talk, though she quickly found that Ulquiorra was probably the driest boyfriend she had ever got an insight into. His texts consisted of the average 'how are you' conversations, and on occasion a few dates and times for night clubs. She could see a few texts from the girls he had been talking to insinuating an interest in something a little more adult in content, but Ulquiorra seemed to either ignore it or allow it to go right over his head.  
The more she read these texts the duller her expression seemed to become, and by the time she reached the most recent conversation, which ended with 'I don't think this is working out, you don't seem interested in me' from her and an 'okay' from him, Gwen was trying not to beat her face with the phone. No wonder these girls did not last a week.

Putting the phone down towards her lap Gwen seemed a little lost for words but tried to iterate her thoughts nonetheless.  
"Were you ignoring the dirty conversations, or did you just not realise they were there?" she asked, rescanning the messages a few more times.  
"What dirty conversations?" the Goth asked, leaning ever so slightly to the side to look at a few texts she had stopped on.  
"I guess they did." she replied, her lips pursing together for a moment. "This text, for example; 'what did you get from the shops?', 'I got the usual; tea, whipped cream and chocolate cake', 'oh, I can think of a few things we can do with the cream…', you then replied with 'I normally use it for hot chocolate, but I guess I could use it with my tea for a change'." Gwen spoke, reading off the text messages casually.  
"What's wrong with what I replied with?" the Goth asked, giving her a scrutinising stare.  
"Nothing, you just answered it literally." she stiffly replied. "She was suggesting you use it on her." the green haired teen informed him, watching his expression shift ever so slightly to look down at the text.

Scanning the texts for himself Ulquiorra almost looked like he was about to dismiss what Gwen was saying as just perverted nonsense, but the more he read through the texts the more it became apparent she had been trying to flirt with him, on several occasions, every time Gwen pointed it out and explained the context of the text.  
"And see that one, she was suggesting you share a shower with her, she wasn't asking to borrow it because hers was broken." the woman sighed, pointing out yet another tedious mistake on his end. "Considering you sleep around I would have thought you would realise these things." the green haired woman uttered, to which he turned to look at her stiffly.  
"I've never slept with any of these girls." Ulquiorra answered in a defensive manner.  
"Oh please, what were you doing with your ex-girlfriends in your bedroom for hours at a time?" Gwen asked, not at all convinced.  
"We would watch movies or talk." he replied, causing her to frown.  
"Did they ever make a move on you?" she asked, though she knew he would probably have never noticed.  
"They would cuddle into me." he simply answered, though she was still a little unconvinced.  
"So they never ran their hands over you or anything? Never whispered sweet nothings into your ear?" she asked, catching a vague train of thought pass through his eyes.

After some thought Ulquiorra eventually replied, his voice a bit weaker than usual.  
"I suppose they did, but I would tell them to stop." he stated, causing her to give him a blunt glance over.  
"How unromantic." she uttered stiffly, sneaking into the folder with all of his photos. "I think you need to buy a book on flirting." she then murmured, looking through them casually. Ulquiorra did not seem at all bothered by her going through them though, but then he was sitting right next to her, so he could supervise her. Stopping on a particular photograph Gwen practically felt her heart stop, it was a recent photo of Ulquiorra standing with Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. "You know Grimmjow?" she asked, her eyebrows hitching dramatically.  
"Somewhat." the Goth replied, watching her facial features churn.  
"Hey, what if I helped you with your dating problem!" Gwen gasped, looking rather hopeful.

Examining her thoroughly Ulquiorra did not reply for some time, his emerald eyes flickering as he mentally contemplated such an offer.  
"Why would you help me?" he asked, his gaze narrowing.  
"What? Why not? You're my room mate, everyone should have someone!" Gwen replied instantly, leaning ever so slightly closer towards him.  
"And who do you plan on setting me up with?" the Goth asked, causing her to pause.  
"Ah, well..." she replied stiffly. "I guess you could go out with me, that way you could practise texting, going on dates, and whatever else." she uttered, the edge of her lips curling up coyly. He could tell she was up to something, though he was not sure what at this point in time.  
"I guess." he replied, being handed her phone so he could add his number whilst she did the same with his.  
"Since your friends will probably make fun of you we can keep it a secret, so just make up a name and I'll do the same for you." she informed him, changing the name he had set on her phone to 'Grimm'.

Sitting there in momentary silence Gwen soon put her phone away and then turned to look at him again.  
"Okay, let's pretend we just met in a night club." she uttered, putting the music on the television up. "What do you do first?" she asked.  
"Ask you to tell me what your name is." he replied simply.  
"Okay, great, then what?" she enquired.  
"Ask you if you want a drink." he answered, watching the edge of her lips curl up. So he was not as bad at introductions as she had first anticipated.  
"Okay, so we got our drinks, now what?" she questioned, pretending to be holding a beverage.  
"I ask you if you want to dance." he replied, his eyes shifting to the side for a split second.

Suspicious of such an action Gwen glanced at the TV and began to frown, he had been mimicking the music video.  
"Ulquiorra, you can't cheat, you wont learn anything." she scolded him, her hand reaching for the remote to turn the television off. "And at any rate, we just got our drinks, so you need to talk to me." she told him off, holding her invisible glass a little higher up.  
"Fine. I ask you what do you do?" he uttered, watching her settle a tad.  
"Well, I work at a gardening centre." Gwen answered. "And yourself?" she then asked, leaning back into the sofa.  
"I work in a café." he answered bluntly, causing her to nod a bit.  
"What do you do in your spare time?" she asked, pretending to drink from her cup.  
"I go to clubs and hang out with my friends. You?" the Goth asked, though he did not seem at all interested in their conversation.  
"You need to look at least slightly interested, or else the girl wont want to tell you." Gwen pointed out, frowning a little as she spoke.

In response Ulquiorra attempted to straight his back and look vaguely interested, though it did not seem to work.  
"I already know these things about you." he informed her.  
"Then ask me something you don't know." she answered, crossing her arms once she had forgotten about her imaginary glass. Examining her for a moment Ulquiorra tried to rack his brain for something to talk about.  
"What's your favourite song?" he finally asked, to which she took a moment to think about it.  
"I like 'she floats' by Vanessa Carlton." Gwen answered, giving him an expectant look.  
"I prefer real music, like anything by Bauhaus." the Goth answered, causing Gwen to frown a tad.  
"You shouldn't insult someone's taste in music." she stated firmly, attempting to let it slip thereafter to keep the conversation going. "What song is it you like by them? I think their best song is 'Bela Lugosi's Dead'." the young woman uttered, smirking ever so slightly at the expression of surprise coming over him.

He had not been anticipating Gwen to have any knowledge of such a band, and the very thing made him want to pursue the subject.  
"I'm pretty sure 'Crowds' is their better song." Ulquiorra answered, causing her to frown a bit.  
"I didn't like that one, I didn't think it had much lyrical meaning to it like his other songs." she replied, leaning her cheek onto her palm. "I mean, it just sounds like an angry break-up song." she added, to which his gaze narrowed a little.  
"What is so defining about the one you like?" he asked, though she shrugged.  
"It sounds nice." was her response.  
"That's it?" Ulquiorra asked, not at all impressed with her shallow and rather vague answer.  
"Oh fine, their best song with a meaning would be 'Departure', for me anyway." Gwen stated, rather glad they were finally having a proper conversation.

Surprisingly they had thereafter managed to have several full blown conversation over the space of two weeks, their topics ranging from music to art without any awkward pauses in between, and by the end of the third week the pair were comfortable enough to sit in his room with a drink and listen to music together. Before then Gwen had always been rather curious as to what he hid behind his always closed bedroom door, and now she was able to find out.  
There were several posters, action figures and drawers covering the walls of the room, making it seem small and cosy. The light above was also dim and gave the room a tranquil gleam which made Gwen relax with little to no trouble, and with the help of scented sticks she had given him the room had began to smell pleasant on top of that.

Lazing on her back with her head on Ulquiorra's shoulder Gwen lay there staring at the ceiling listening to the music playing quietly in the background. Between them there was a comfortable silence, which was only occasionally broken by someone messaging either one of them, though they tended to just ignore their phones in favour of remaining cosy.  
"So, do you think you've learned anything from dating me?" Gwen dared to ask, tilting her head only slightly to look at him.  
"I believe so." he answered, opening his eyes slowly.  
"I guess it's time you went out and tried your luck then." she uttered, sitting up and drawing her knees towards her chest so she could sling her arms around them casually.  
"I suppose it's worth a shot." he replied, checking his phone for any invites to a club or party.

Slinking out of the room to let him get ready Gwen loomed about in the kitchen, her head tilted to the side as she leaned onto her palm and stared into space. Hearing him shuffle in the doorway the young woman turned to observe him for a moment, the edge of her lips curling up slightly when she noticed he was wearing that scarf she had gotten him due to him constantly murmuring to himself about being cold. Honestly he thought she had not been listening to him during those moments of irritation.  
"So, that's you off then?" she enquired stiffly, coming to stand a few inches taller than him. "Just remember, don't let the crazy out all at once." she murmured, examining him needlessly. He was always very specific about his appearance, and he would not let a single imperfection go unnoticed.  
"I'll try." he answered, checking he had his house keys before leaving ever so slowly. Once the door was shut Gwen allowed a frown to cross her face, part of her felt at odds with letting him go. Though the notion felt a little unfamiliar to her and she put it down to the fact she had not been given Grimmjow's mobile number yet, but then the more she thought about it the more she realised she had not particularly thought about him after day three of her 'dating' Ulquiorra.

Not quite sure what to make of it Gwen went to sit down and watch something on the television, though she could not help but continue to ponder her resentment for him leaving to put what she had taught him into practise. Elsewhere Ulquiorra was sitting down at a table in his favourite bar an hour later, his green eyes boring into a young woman who he had gone over to and tried to start a conversation with. The conversation had started off well enough, with them introducing their names and talking about their pass times to try familiarise themselves with one another, however as the minutes ticked on he found himself growing weary of their discussion. Veronica, as she had introduced herself, had been sincere enough but halfway through he had found himself wishing she was Gwen. The very thought made his blood grow cold, and soon enough he came to the conclusion that this evening was over.

Heading home the Goth found the streets were empty, his feet carrying him home at a snails pace. When he was finally at the door to his apartment Ulquiorra unlocked the door and took a deep breath before opening it slowly. The warm air of the hallway soon drifting over his face, causing the long strands of hair which ran between his eyes, and parted over either side of his nose, to shift slightly.  
The air was thick with the scent of orange zest, and from the kitchen doorway he could hear a small voice, which was most likely Gwen, murmuring something. Shutting the door the Goth pulled off his coat and hung it up, his scarf being pulled loose but not taken off as he kicked off his shoes and then headed further into the apartment as quietly as he always was.

Peering into the kitchen Ulquiorra found that Gwen was preparing herself something to drink, her hips swaying ever so slightly as music played through her headphones, which were actually his but she liked to steal them, which were around her neck.  
"Oh, honey picture me upon your knee, with tea for two and two for tea. Just me for you and you for me alone. Nobody near us to see us or hear us. No friends or relations on weekend vacations. We won't have it known, dear, that we own a telephone, dear." the teen sang, her hand steadying as she poured hot water into her cup on the kitchen counter.  
"Gwen." Ulquiorra interrupted, causing her to jump out of surprise and turn to look at him.  
"Ulquiorra, you startled me!" she gasped, putting the kettle down before looking up at the kitchen clock. "You're home early, how did it go?" she went on to acknowledge, examining him for a moment as he came closer.

Not quite sure what he was up to Gwen lolled her eyes up and down him for a moment, her hands tensing when he grabbed her elbows and pressed them against her ribs when she shifted underneath his touch.  
"Ulq-" she went to say, her words being cut off by him planting his lips onto her own. Confused Gwen blinked a little whilst Ulquiorra pulled back his head slightly, mentally preparing himself for a good hard slap. Allowing her frown to increase Gwen raised her hand and brought it down on his cheek hard and fast, but before he could properly register it the young woman had grabbed a fist full of his scarf and had yanked him forward once more, forcing him to kiss her again.

Stood there Ulquiorra found himself utterly confused, his eyes wider than usual as his pupils moved to accustom themselves to the distance of Gwen's face once she had broken away from their kiss of her own accord. Taking a moment to examine his features the young woman lifted her hand and tapped him slightly, though he seemed distant and not quite there anymore.  
"Ulquiorra? Are you alright?" Gwen enquired, snapping her fingers in front of his face. Going to poke him she soon gasped and caught him when he went to fall backwards, a rather astonished expression taking over when she came to the realisation that he had fainted.  
At odds with herself Gwen quickly lay the Goth on his back and grabbed a slice of lemon and her cup of tea, her body falling into a kneeling position as she began to wave them just under his nose.  
"Ulquiorra?" she asked, seeing him begin to rouse.  
"Tea?" he murmured, his eyelids fluttering a little.  
"Are you okay?" she asked, pouting gently as she loomed over him.  
"Twinings' cranberry and raspberry, seventeen-o-six." he hazily replied, whilst she turned to look at the box sitting just above her head.  
"You can tell all that just from the smell?" Gwen asked, absolutely amazed by it.

Pulling him to his feet Gwen set him down on the sofa in the living room and brought him something to drink, though she did not settle until she was sure he was not going to keel over again.  
"So..." she uttered, pulling a throw pillow out from behind her so she could sit down properly. "Why'd you kiss me?" she dared to ask, watching him take a gulp of tea and then set the cup down.  
"I went to the bar but I quickly lost interest in the girl there, so I had to confirm something when I got back here." he explained, placing his cup down.  
"What did you confirm?" she asked, her eyebrow quirking slightly.  
"That I'd much rather be in your company than some random chicks." he answered calmly, his usual brooding expression remaining in place as he made eye contact with her.  
"Oh…" she replied, whilst the edge of her lips began to curl further than usual. "Are you sure? You might need to kiss me again to be certain." she suggested, rather impressed he got where she was going with this and shifted across the sofa to capture her lips.

Humming into their kiss Gwen slid her hand across his chest and curled her fingers around the fabric of his shirt to keep him in place, while he reached his hand around the back of his head to unclasp his choker. However Gwen was quick to pull his hand away and draw his full attention back onto her.  
"Mm, don't take it off." she gently requested, slowly letting go of his wrist to slip her hand down his back.  
"Keep your boots on." he replied gingerly, seeing her trying to kick them off. Smirking a little the young woman weaved her arms around his neck and nibbled at his bottom lip, her skin gaining a few goosebumps when he dug his nails into her hips through her baggy pink sweat pants.  
"I think this is the start to a beautiful friendship." she murmured, whilst his simple response was to snap his fingers and cause the livingroom light to go out.


End file.
